And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
