Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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