the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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