Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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