I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
