then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
