How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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