He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
