I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
