Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
