btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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