are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it's like iHOP with fire
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
