Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
