the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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