Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
