So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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