my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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