walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
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