I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
