she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
