Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
