TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
