Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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