Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
