And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
