there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
