She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
