when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize