i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What a dumb baby whore.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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