I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
