please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Send help, water and tortillas.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
