Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
