based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Can I color on your dick again?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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