just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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