I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
