plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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