i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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