break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
FUCK WHALES
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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