I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
