: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
