I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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