Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
