then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
