Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.