He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
