Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
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Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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