laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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