we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
