Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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