We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
