im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
