You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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