I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
