i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
