My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
