All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
