my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
