Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My liver just had a heart attack.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
