I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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