This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
