I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
