she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
